I have successfully succeeded in getting sick. Full blown fever, chills, runny nose, achy, coughing sick. On the very off-chance that you would like to share in my misery, I have put together a fool proof guide to help you reach your goal.
How To Get Sick: In 5 Easy Steps
Step 1 – Wait until your child is sick. My little guy has developed a consistent fever of 102 for the past few days. The doctor says there’s really nothing to do but wait it out, so in the meantime we are living with a feverish and sick toddler.
Step 2 – After obtaining a sick child, make sure to baby them with constant love and attention because they are sick. Allow them to climb all over you, give you slobbery kisses, and hang out in your lap all day. This step gives your sick child comfort while leading you directly on a path to get sick yourself.
Step 3 – Allow the sick child to sleep in your bed every night they are sick. Sleeping in their bed while they are so sick is not ideal. The sick child will want comfort all day and all night. Make sure that you provide this to them by giving up all of your personal space.
Step 4 – While the child is sleeping in your bed, make sure they are sleeping as close to you as possible. My child prefers the sleep-on-top-of Mommy position. It is terribly uncomfortable and will make you incredibly hot to have a burning up child heater attached to you all night. Power through it.
Step 5 – Since the child is on top of you and in your face, make sure that when they cough they cough directly into your face. Do not disturb the sleeping child for fear of dealing with a sick, cranky, exhausted toddler. Let them pass their germs directly to you.
Congratulations! After following this routine of sick child immersion for a couple of days, you should have successfully gotten sick. Take pride in the fact that you are a great Mommy and have cared for your sick child very well. Then, recognizing your own fever, runny nose, and aches, immediately dose up on DayQuil and institute a strict house-hold policy of pajamas, soup, and as much sleep as possible.
Good luck with your own quest for sickness. Better advice might be to do the opposite of everything I just said and possibly stay healthy, but where’s the fun in that?