my life | Elated Exhaustion

Fashionista

9 May By Julia

This week I am overwhelmed with my role as Parent Council Chair at my son’s school.

I have been working non stop on the Silent Auction fundraiser coming up next week and it’s Teacher Appreciation Week and Mother’s Day weekend. And we have company coming while we’re in the middle of home improvement projects. And, you know, there’s stuff like real life that tends to get in the way of productivity. I actually had to make a list of day by day items to accomplish this week because I was on overload with all the things. Basically, I’m a walking disaster.

Tuesday was Mommy Muffin Day at my son’s school. It was also the theme of “school supplies” for Teacher Appreciation Week, so we brought hand sanitizer. I enjoyed spending the morning in the three year old classroom with all the other sweet moms and children. Even though my little guy spent the majority of his time acting like a wild man, I always enjoy a chance to connect with the other moms and the teachers.

I complimented his teacher on her cute outfit and she said “That’s quite a compliment coming from you Ms. Fashionista!” I was genuinely shocked by her comment and told her she had to be kidding. She said, “No, I’m so serious! You are always so put together! I can only imagine how perfect your house is, and truly if I could line up our teacher gifts I would know that the hand-sanitizer came from you guys. That’s so you!”

We laughed and made small talk and I thanked her but with an undertone of “oh please.” (Is that an undertone?)

Her sweet words completely made my day, but I was truly surprised.

Of all the things that I am and all the things that make me “me” being put together and called a fashionista is certainly not something I’ve heard often. I feel like a dirty ponytail, no make-up and “comfy pants” (work out pants that I don’t actually work out in) are my staple wardrobe and I ALWAYS feel like I’m a hot mess.

It was so nice to briefly see myself in someone else’s eyes, and realize that maybe, just maybe, my “hot mess” is just a feeling, not a reflection. I did actually take the time to have my hair cut and colored this morning. I felt like a new person.

Thank goodness that teacher can not see my laundry pile.

Have you seen yourself through someone else’s eyes lately?

4 Comments

Filed Under: Just Me Tagged With: fashion, fashionista, mommy style, my life, random ramblings

Valentines and Memories

14 Feb By Julia

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today, I am linking up with my very favorite link up, Memories Captured, which encourages us each month to capture the moments that catch our hearts and hold our memories. This will be the last Memories Captured link up until June, so instead of sharing just one memory with you, I want to share a few of my recent favorites.

Most of my heart belongs to this sweet little boy who I am honored to make memories with daily. I absolutely adore this most recent picture of him that I just captured Tuesday. At three-and-a-half years old, this little guy is mischievous and sweet all at the same time, and I think this exactly captures his current complexities.

(And the love between a boy and his ice cream.)

Then there’s this one from January, when just enough snow came to Richmond to build a small snowman and bring this grin to my sweet boy:

I adore this picture of my son and I riding a children’s train during a weekend afternoon winter visit to an outdoor mall.

And this very rare occasion of a date night at the beginning of January, when my husband and I went to dinner and a movie for the first date we had been on in 6 months.

So this Valentine’s Day, I am cherishing these recent memories and so many memories from the past, and thinking about all of the amazing people that may not be in these pictures, but are always in my heart.

I did something a little crazy for Valentine’s Day this year…I entered a boudoir photography contest and have been selected as a finalist. If you would like to vote for me I can promise I will reward you with a probably hilarious story of how embarrassing it was to take intimate pictures. Voting ends February 14th at 5 pm PST. Thank you!

Update: February 15th: Thank you so much to all of you who voted for me! I did not win, but another one of the deserving finalists did. Thank you again for helping me try to make that silly little idea a reality! Maybe one day….

4 Comments

Filed Under: Blogging, Memories Captured Tagged With: beautiful moments, love, memories, memories captured, my husband, my life, my son, Valentine's Day

Tick Tock

12 Feb By Julia

It’s late. I can feel the clock judging me with its tick tock, tick tock.

There’s too much on my mind to give in to the taunting rhythm.

I’m listening to an opera right now, trying to soak it all in, because I’ll be performing it in just a few weeks. Yes, I’m going to be in an opera with a professional opera company. Just in the chorus, but I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This will be my very first opera and very first professional performance. I am honored and scared and haven’t even told that many people yet, because, well, I guess I just can’t believe it myself yet.

Tick tock.

I’m making flyers for Parent Council at my son’s school. This has turned out to be a much bigger job than I imagined, and though I don’t want to be the annoying PTA mom, I think I am. But in a nice way. I’m planning a fundraiser night at one of those places where you drink wine and paint. I’ve always wanted to try it. I’ve also booked a local children’s musician for a family fun night at the end of March, but planning a family fun night is starting to feel a lot like planning a wedding, which is a lot of fun at the beginning but then you really just start to look forward to it being over and going on the honeymoon.

Tick tock.

I hear my son upstairs. He is still not sleeping through the night. I am leaving my husband to deal with this late cry and nearing the end of my patience because we’ve tried all of the tricks and tips and we still have a 3 and a half year old that doesn’t sleep.

I am trying to write. Posts here, posts other places. I need ideas and time, both of which seem to be coming slowly or not at all.

Tick tock.

I have a list of blogging to dos. The most important one is to read blogs, but lately I’m having trouble finding time to read or write. I mostly just make it through the long to do lists of days which include mundane things like taxes, the post office and an oil change and lovely things like making magnet alphabet soup with my son.

Tick tock. My cat is meowing at me, even she is ready to curl up and surrender to sleep.

And I am too, if only my thoughts will stop chaotically dancing.

Tick tock, tick tock. Tick tock.

4 Comments

Filed Under: Blogging, Feeling Poetic, Just Write Tagged With: clock, just write, late night, my life, sleep, stream of consciousness, train of thought writing

My Husband is Inspirational?

7 Jan By Julia

A conversation with my husband yesterday:

Hubs: “Hey babe, did you make a New Year’s Resolution this year?”

Me: “Do you read my blog at all?”

Hubs: “What? Yes.”

Me: “I just posted about that.”

Hubs: “Oh. What did you say?”

Me: “Well there’s this thing going around in the blogging community where you choose a word instead of concrete resolutions, and you kind of use that as a back drop for your year. So I picked the words “let go” and I’m just going to try to let go of some of the negativity in my life.”

Hubs: “Hmm. That’s really cool baby. Well, you would be really proud of me. So far, I am 6 for 6 of meeting my resolution goal.”

Me: “Yeah? What resolution did you make?”

Hubs: “My New Year’s Resolution was… to get out of bed every morning.”

Me: …

Me: “You inspire me daily.”

And that’s my life. I hope you are all having a great start back into the swing of things this week! The hubs is back at work, toddler back at school, and I’m back to writing. As much as I enjoyed a whirlwind Christmas break complete with the toddler and I being sick, a week long trip to GA, and getting to meet my 5 day old niece (squee!), I am glad to be back into the normal routine of things this week.

2 Comments

Filed Under: Just Me, Uncategorized Tagged With: back to normal, conversations with the hubs, love, my husband, my life, my life is crazy

Finding Home Through Performance

12 Dec By Julia

The thing about performing, is that it’s intense, and hard, and requires you to use parts of yourself that you don’t always use on a daily basis. It requires dedication and passion and in the midst of it, you form friendships and bonds. Mostly because you are all together for hours on end preparing a show, but also because you have the time to really get to know the hearts of the people you perform with.

I used to perform all the time, and I really used to think that it was what I wanted to do professionally. (I mean, I kinda would still love to, but I think that ship may have sailed.)

But until this show, I had not performed in years. I left that part of myself when I found out I was pregnant, and was so lost in a world of baby and depression that I forgot a small bit of who I was.

After 18 shows and over 20,000 people coming to see all of our performances, we closed on Sunday night. I have been away from the blogging world because, quite frankly, I am exhausted.

But exhausted in a good way. In the way where you feel accomplished. In the way when you feel fulfilled.

This performance experience was especially a blessing. It was through a church. Every year they write their own script and compose their own music to put together a Broadway style Christmas production, complete with high tech lighting and effects, mics and set design, dancing, singing, acting, and even a live camel, flying angels, and a real baby Jesus.

Usually, performance, although fun and rewarding, can be very competitive and harsh. This world of performance was very nurturing It was a world where everyone mattered and lifted you up at every turn. It was refreshing and inspiring and I know I have filled this blog with performance stories, but the truth is, this performance saved me.

I have been floundering for a long time, really ever since the birth of my son. Writing this blog has helped bring me back to myself. Being able to perform again reminded me that there is life after children, and that I am still who I always was. Funny, I needed 3 years and a lead in a show to convince myself of that.

So, on the last day of the show, at our cast meeting the director asked if anyone would like to speak. I stood up and addressed the 200 person cast with this,

“In September, I was just a girl, who came to an audition with red high heels. Then I became lucky enough to get a part in this show. I have heard so many stories about the ministry that we want this show to be to the audience, but I want you all to know what a ministry it has been to me. The kindness and generosity of all the people I have met here has been amazing and I have been truly honored to be a part of it. And now, for the first time in a long time, I have a church home. That would not have been possible without GCN. So I just want to thank all of you for that.”

This nurturing environment lifted me with applause and their tears met my own as I ruined my stage makeup with tears rolling down my face.

Because you see, to finally find a home and pieces of yourself, can be very very emotional.

6 Comments

Filed Under: Intimate Thoughts, Just Me Tagged With: Broadway, church, GCN, home, my life, performance, pieces of me

The Exhausting Part

26 Nov By Julia

You know how my blog is called Elated Exhaustion?

I am in the exhaustion part.

My in laws got here Saturday the 18th. Some of them left the Friday after Thanksgiving, but my mother in law is still here.

We are also in the most difficult week for a show production. It’s tech week, the time when you so run-throughs of the show in full costume and make up, with your mic, working the transitions and props and costume and set changes. It’s the time for the orchestra to practice and for the crew to get the lighting and mic cues. It’s a time when you are at rehearsal for 10 to 12 hours at a time, polishing and tweeking and pulling everything together.

It is magical and exciting and nerve wracking and exhausting all at the same time.

I am so honored to be a part of it, but oh my goodness am I tired.

Between the demands of day long rehearsals, hosting my mother in law, meeting the demands of a three year old and still doing duties as a Parent Council Chair at my son’s school, and trying (but failing) to keep up with NaBloPoMo, I think I have reached my limit. And of course, the hubs is on nights.

So today, after I dropped my son off at school, instead of accomplishing anything on my to do list, and oh my goodness there is so, so much, I chose sleep.

Because sometimes life is elating. But right now, I think it’s just plain exhausting.

(Psst – Here is a sneak peek of my character in the show. More pics to come!)

Me, all dressed up for the Broadway style Christmas Production I am in. My character is named Lillian, and I am a 1920s flapper.

8 Comments

Filed Under: Blogging, Just Me, Uncategorized Tagged With: Broadway style, exhaustion, Glorious Christmas Nights, my life, performance, theater

The Recording Studio

15 Nov By Julia

Right outside of the recording studio, where they mix the sound.

The Recording Studio

sheet music and the microphone

In the recording studio, getting ready to sing.

Have you ever had a moment in your life when you realized that all your dreams are coming true?

Not the way you imagined they would. Not the way you planned.

But they are?

I had that tonight.

Once upon a time I wanted to be a stay at home mommy to four little ones, married and living in a beautiful house.

(Really, I did.)

And now I get to stay home every day with my one sweet boy, drowning in dishes and laundry and just cherishing my one, because I really don’t think there will ever be more than him. It’s nothing like I imagined, but it’s wonderful.

Once upon a time I wanted to be a writer.

(I was never sure of what.)

And now I am the owner of this little blogging space here, that not many people read but that I am immensely proud of anyway.

Once upon a time I wanted to be on Broadway.

(I had big dreams.)

And I am getting ready to perform in a Broadway-like show for Christmas, complete with costumes and big song and dance numbers and make up and late night rehearsals. Who knew my Broadway wouldn’t be in New York, but just a bit more south in Virginia?

Once upon a time I wanted to be a famous singer.

(My dreams were even bigger.)

And tonight, I got to record a song for the upcoming show in the recording studio. We are doing a total of 18 shows, so they pre-record some of the tracks for use in the smaller shows and to sell CDs of after performances. I’m nowhere near famous but I can not tell you how excited I was to have this opportunity. Really, how cool is it to lay down a track in a recording studio?

Once upon a time I was just a mom with a blog doing a Christmas show, who realized that she has everything she ever wanted, even if it’s nothing like the way she imagined.

24 Comments

Filed Under: Intimate Thoughts, Just Me Tagged With: dreams, mommy, music, my life, performance, recording studio, singing, thankful, writer

The Rarity of Spontaneity

10 Nov By Julia

My husband and I are not spontaneous. Ever.

Due to my husband’s schedule as an anesthesia resident, his hours of down time are very limited Anything we do has to be planned way in advance, written down on the paper calendar in the kitchen, and synced on our Google calendars. I will literally write: “Family Day: trip to Target” on the calendar in order to make that happen.

Things have gotten especially hectic in our little world lately since my husband’s hours remain intense, I have been working hard in rehearsals for an upcoming Christmas show, and I’m just now dealing with the stress of my in-laws inviting themselves up here for Thanksgiving. When my husband won’t even be here. (That, of course, is a whole different story.)

Today, I was supposed to have rehearsal from 10 AM to 9 PM. Luckily, my husband has this entire weekend off. That is such a rarity and it is terribly unfortunate that it falls during a time when my rehearsals are getting so intense. The good news is that my son did not have to spend 11 hours in childcare today. The bad news is, it still means we get no family time.

Driving over to rehearsal this morning, I heard a commercial on the radio about a Christmas tree lighting this evening at a local outdoor mall. I thought in passing about how much fun that would be, but knew it wouldn’t be a possibility.

Then I was lucky enough to only have rehearsal until 6:30. I texted my husband and asked him and the toddler to meet me at the tree lighting to see the lights and for dinner. We both arrived around 6:45 and were just in time to join a crowd of people singing jingle bells as the giant tree was lit, pretend snow filled the air, and Santa appeared. It was perfect.

Then my husband, toddler and I fought our way through the crowds to a restaurant that had a one and a half hour wait. Normally, we would have left, but instead we decided to put our names down and wander around the shops. We enjoyed some family time shopping together and eating a late dinner before coming home.

It doesn’t happen often, but this rare night of spontaneity with my little family tonight was just perfect.

6 Comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Christmas tree lighting, family time, my husband, my life, my son, NaBloPoMo, spontaneous is not in our vocabulary

Gregarious

9 Nov By Julia

Me: “Hey, babe, what does “gregarious” mean?” (Isn’t that terrible? I’m a writer who has a limited vocabulary.) (Also that’s the first time I’ve called myself a writer, which is maybe ironic since this is not my best effort.)

Hubs: “Um, kind of like over the top, why?”

Me: “That can’t be right. Someone called me that the other day.”

Enter the Google search which returned the following results:

gre·gar·i·ous/griˈge(ə)rēəs/

Adjective:

(of a person) Fond of company; sociable.
(of animals) Living in flocks or loosely organized communities.

Synonyms:

sociable – social – companionable

(source: dictionary.com)

Me: “Oh that’s good, I’m sociable!”

Hubs: “You’re a flock.”

Me: give hubs a look

Hubs: “What did the person say?”

Me: “They said that if my child is as gregarious as I am we will have to watch out for his teenage years.”

Hubs: “Hmm.”

Me: “Cool. I’m gregarious!”

Have you learned anything new about yourself lately?

12 Comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: conversations with the hubs, learning new things, my husband, my life, we are crazy in this house

Pumpkin Patch

29 Oct By Julia

I don’t have a lot of words to go with this post, but in the spirit of Halloween I wanted to share one of my very favorite October traditions with you; the Pumpkin Patch.

I love going every year, and it is so much more fun now that my son is old enough to get excited about it, too.

Please enjoy some pictures of our day as we selected pumpkins, went through a straw maze, and enjoyed playing together.

PS – This top picture? Is my favorite.