Cold rain fell from the sky as I navigated the dark road home. I felt mostly alone, though city lights and distant cars passed in a blur through my peripheral vision.
“Maybe it’s too much” I thought.
I have not had an evening at home since Saturday, and will not have one again until next Sunday. That’s over a week of missing bath time splashes and stories with my son. A week of missing night-time cuddles and sleepy prayers. One of these weeks that is so busy and moves so quickly that you might just miss it.
I am in an opera. Just writing that sentence is amazing to me. It’s new and familiar at once to have performance take a prominent place in my life again. Our performance is this weekend, so this week is tech week; a week of run-throughs and dress rehearsals and polishing.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I had pursued this when I was younger; if I had made performance my profession. But then I remember that there’s no point in looking back when the only accessible direction is forward.
I love my job as a stay at home mommy but there is something magically intoxicating to me about being able to perform. I wonder if I can pull off doing both.
Is it too much to miss the night-time cuddles? Is it too much to spread myself out in these diverse roles; the stay at home mommy, the Parent Council Chair, the writer, the performer?
Sometimes it is. And sometimes it’s all exactly what I need it to be.
This week’s too much will be evened out by some week’s not enough.
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I arrived home just before midnight to a quiet house lit only by the lone light from our entry table lamp and a note:
I smiled and ate a midnight dinner in the quiet. This balance isn’t too much. It’s just right.
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I woke up this morning to rain, ice, and thundersnow. “Look Mommy! It’s snowing!”
My son and I snuggled up in the big bed and looked at as we watched the rain turn into snow and accumulate on the branches just outside the window.
Texts and emails came in slowly. School is closed. Rehearsal is cancelled. Take caution while driving or stay at home.
The day was cancelled. In the midst of busy there would be an entire day of home.
I smiled again, because this reprieve in the midst of juggling chaos was exactly what I needed.
My son and I are embracing a day of pajamas, movies, and snow watching as we sit curled up on the couch downstairs.
And at once my world is right.
“happiness is the settling of the soul into its most appropriate spot”
~ Aristotle, philosopher
