Living With Boys

Disclaimer: I have not been home a lot lately. I am swamped with nightly rehearsals for a Christmas show I’m in. (Remember it from last year?) So this means the boys are in charge. My house is not normally this out of control.

I walked into my son’s bathroom the other night to get his shoes he had haphazardly left by the bath tub and discovered pee. All over the floor. The place smelled like a port-a potty. Or a frat house.

I really didn’t have time to do anything about it at that very moment because my son and I were rushing out the door to get to one of my rehearsals for the Christmas production. After putting “scrub bathroom relentlessly” on my metal to-do list we headed out.

The next day, I wasn’t feeling well and my husband said he would deal with the bathroom. Which was so thoughtful!

And then this morning, I went into my son’s bathroom to help him get ready for school to discover that the floor was sticky and it still kind of smelled like pee.

“Why is this floor sticky?”

“Daddy cleaned it.”

“With what?”

“He squirted stuff all over it.”

“Did he wipe it up?”

“No.”

“Why won’t this water come on?”

“I don’t know. Daddy turned it off.”

“What?”

“Yeah, so I won’t waste the water.”

So now my son’s bathroom is layered in pee, covered up with “spray stuff,” and has no running water. There is also hardened toothpaste in the sink. Because it’s hard to brush your teeth with out water.

I also discovered baby powder all over the upstairs bathroom.

“Where did this powder come from?”

“Daddy used it.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Daddy’s not a baby, so that’s weird.”

I’m not even sure I even want to know the answer.

And truly, the amount of nudity I see on a daily basis from these two boys is astounding. I swear both of them do actually own clothes.

Don’t even get me started on how often I hear the word “penis.”

My husband once said, “Being married is not hard. Living together is.” That is an understatement.

Living with boys is incredibly strange.

I need some more estrogen in this house. Or at least a maid specializing in boy bathrooms.

Are you outnumbered in your house? How do you deal with it?

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. I hate to tell you this, but my sister’s sons are 17 and 18 years old and after a shower (or swimming or surfing or changing into clothes that are in the dryer) they still walk around the house naked except for a single hand cupped over the very pertinent part, if you know what I mean.

    I don’t think I can visit again until they’re both in college. :-)

  2. This post totally cracked me up! I have two boys (7 & 4.5) and I don’t have enough time to list all of the odd, disgusting “mysteries” I have found around the house.

    One mystery I solved, was why our downstairs bathroom was constantly smelling like pee. I thought the wax seal under the toilet must have needed replacing and the smell of urine was from the slow leak that it was allowing to seep into the sub-floor.

    Fortunately, I was wrong and able to avoid the need to remove a part of the sub floor. Unfortunately, I discovered the problem by witnessing it first-hand. I was in the laundry room which is right next to the powder room when my older son, who was 5 at the time, came running in from outside and went straight in to go to the bathroom leaving the door, as usual, wide open. I peeked around the corner and was horrified to see that he was peeing standing back 3 feet from the bowl!

    Needless to say, most of the pee DID NOT make it into the toilet and settled onto the dark wood floor and baseboards instead. When I inquired as to why he would do such a thing [probably closer to an exasperated scream than I would like to admit], he replied that he was afraid there were [get this] spiders under the lid. What I will never forget, though, is how he looked at me totally unfazed by the tone of my voice and look of horror in my eyes and even seemed a bit annoyed to have to explain it to me…because everyone knew that spiders realize that the underneath of a toilet seat is the optimal bug catching location and camp out there in droves and why was I behaving so irrationally!

    So out came the bleach! The bathroom no longer smells, but the poor wood floors have taken a beating. As for the “spiders under the toilet seat theory”…my MIL came up with the best solution. “Spider Spray”! A bottle of water with a few drops of vinegar in it and instructions to mist lightly before sitting on (or at least before standing directly IN FRONT OF) the toilet!

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