Only Three Things

I feel like there’s a lot on my plate lately. Partially because there is, the juggling of the every day, the balance of the activities that take up the space on my calendar and the time in my day.

But there are also big decisions on the horizon that seem to loom over me as I ponder potential paths.

My husband is a medical resident and we are only 18 months away from the end of his four year residency. 18 months away from our next chapter in life, and I am not at all ready, for I am quite pleased with where we are now. After 4 years of college, medical school, and residency, we will be in a position to either do one more year of training in a fellowship year or go ahead and job search. The tricky part of this, is that we can not agree on where we would like to be.

Since moving to Richmond, VA in 2010, I have fallen in love with it. I love our home, the city and the sweet friends that we have made here. My husband wants to move back to GA, where we both grew up and where most of our family still lives. Though I see where he’s coming from, I am so tired of starting over in a new city with no support systems every four years. I wish we could just stay here.

So the current compromise is that my husband will apply for a fellowship year here in Richmond, and then we will do a job search in Georgia to move in the summer of 2015. It at least gives us one more year in Richmond.

The next big decision looming over me is next year’s preschool for my son. Next year we could stay at the private preschool he’s been going to since he was 2, or we could move him to VPI, Virginia’s free public preschool program. Financially, we would love to save the tuition, but I just don’t know if it would be the right choice to move schools.

And finally, there’s this dialogue beginning to open about potential family planning. My husband and I have had this conversation before, and decided that we would have an only child. Though I have been a “one and done” advocate since my son was born, part of me feels like maybe I should at least consider giving my son a sibling. I feel this huge time crunch on this decision, too, because I just feel like our window for potential siblings is shrinking. I guess I feel like if they are too far apart it would not be worth having another one because the age gap would be so large. And I’m also finally, FINALLY not completely traumatized by my birth experience  I am owing it partially to my New Year’s Resolution to “let go” and partially to the fact that after 3 and half years, my mind and body are beginning to be at peace.

So I have all of these rough drafts of ideas floating around in my head and my husband and I were passionately discussing them this weekend while he cooked dinner. Our son was making play dough pancakes nearby and asked, “What are you guys talking about?”

I answered, “Oh, Mommy and Daddy are just talking about some important things coming up. We have a lot of big decisions to make, like where you will go to school next year and where Daddy is going to work and family planning.”

After some quiet pondering my sweet son replied with the perfect perspective, “But, Mommy, that’s only three things.”

My husband and I laughed and agreed with his evaluation. “Yes, I guess that is only three things.”

And three things isn’t really all that much, is it?


  1. Ask him what he thinks about a baby sibling.
    Then you’ll have your answer.
    Chunky says things like “Never” and “Just me” and “Babies are disgusting”
    Happy almost done residency. I remember watching them work to the bone.We had a lot of fellows in our ER department.
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    • Oh my gosh I wish Chunky was my kid, then. I love his opinion about babies! The ONLY reason I’m slightly considering another one (can you tell I don’t really want to?) is because my son has started asking about babies and saying “I want a baby brober or a baby sister” and “Mommy, can you grow another baby in your belly?” and it just makes me feel SO guilty. Sigh. The hubs totally wants another one, too, it’s just me not wanting to go through the whole “have a baby feel crazy with ppd thing” again, you know?
      Thanks! I’m looking forward to residency being over. My hubs has a countdown on his phone, haha!
      How’s the boot love coming? 😉

  2. My brother & I are 4 years apart and my best friend and her brother are 6 years apart. You still have time! Plenty. I know that if you guys decide to take the plunge and do it one more time, so much joy would come to your family and it will probably be easier with a little helper around who might be in school full-time. Your difficult labor did have a happy ending: you love being a mom and have a wonderful healthy child. It took me awhile too to let go, as you say, of dwelling on the negative delivery & labor and look at the big picture. Don’t let it hold you back if you truly yearn for another baby. And if not, that’s ok too!!!
    Devon Riesenberg recently posted..Nautical Second BirthdayMy Profile

    • Your words are always so comforting, truly. Do you feel like you and your friend still had close relationships with your siblings even with a bigger age gap? Thank you for the reminder that my experience had a good ending, you are so right I do love being a mom and Noah is such a sweet boy. I think it just took me a while to focus on the ending instead of the dramatic part. Of course, I will keep you posted! :)
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      • I think my brother and I are still close at 4 years apart. We definitely played together and were pals as children and became better friends as we got older. With a five-six year gap, I think there are a lot of benefits that maybe some people overlook. A lot of the competition is gone and the older sibling totally “gets it” in terms of the concept of a new baby. If the child is into babies, then 6 is a wonderful age to really help with the child and play “with” them as opposed to whining about their toys being stolen 😉 It took my nieces and our friends kids until about the age of 5 to really be good with Jack and it’s a Godsend. Toddlers just can’t play that well all the time with other babies and toddlers 😉 Plus, like I said earlier, you won’t have 2 kids at home all day–one would be in school full-time. John wanted to have 2 kids prior to 45 (he’s 41 now), which I think is totally fair so we packed in both pregnancies relatively close. Plus, I was also ready and really wanting another one, which is the most important thing. You gotta be on board and into it because it’s still a lot of work! xoxo!!
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