Life Lessons From The Toddler

He sat in the swing at the new park and I pushed him back and forth, back and forth.

“Mommy! Up sky!”

I pushed him higher.

“Mommy, I see pretty trees, and a swide, and birds, and a baby!”

“Yes,” I answered, “this park has a lot of things to look at. I see a sandbox over there.”

“And Mommy? I will tell you some-ing. I see ladies and some mans!”

“Yes, there are ladies and men here and children just like you.”

“Uh-huh Mommy,” he nods in agreement before refocusing on the feel of the swing going back and forth.

“And Mommy? I will tell you some-ing one more time. Mans have penises but ladies do not have penises. But I have a penis! And Daddy has a penis!”

I nod my head. I’m pretty sure this conversation is audible to the penis-less ladies swinging their children beside us.

“And Mommy? You are a lady. But I am a boy. But you are a gul. So you not have a penis. But guls have bottoms. And boys have a penis AND a bottom!”

I nod my head again. The other moms have decided to go play at the sandbox away from the swings. It’s probably a coincidence.

“And Mommy? Mommy, are you listening?”

“Yes sweet boy, I’m listening.”

“But it’s ok, Mommy, if you not have a penis. We can get one at the store for you.”

Pause.

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” I reply as I continue to search for the correct way to respond.

Pause.

“Yes, Mommy,” says my toddler with a defining nod.

“Would you like to get out of the swing now?” I ask.

After pondering my question, he says, “Ummmm no. You can just push me.”

There was silence now as I pushed him higher and higher. We felt the breeze blow and heard birds chirping. Sounds of children’s laughter drifted up into the air and I felt a sense of calm and relaxation.

“And Mommy? You ‘member I peed in the ice cream? And I peed in the potty? And I peed in the floor? You ‘member Mommy?”

“Yes, I do remember that. You pee in a lot of places.”

“Yes Mommy.”

“And Mommy, you ‘member that one day I was a baby?”

“Yes, you were a baby but now you are a big boy.”

“Yes, that’s right! And Mommy…”

“Look! Your friend is here! Would you like to get out of the swing and play?”

“Oh yes Mommy yes yes!”

As I help him get down from the swing and watch him run off, he turns to me as says, “Mommy, I am going away. You stay right here, Mommy.”

And so began our morning at the park. Luckily, this exchange was followed by a visit with a Mommy friend and coffee. Who doesn’t love starting their day with a play date, gorgeous weather, and a conversation about penises?

Comments

  1. hahaha! priceless :)

  2. I say this is a fabulous way to begin your morning! So, so funny! I remember conversations like these. In fact, I still have conversations like these with a slightly bigger vocabulary. :) Lucky for you…you have a whole lot of this to look forward to!

  3. He is actually very articulate in so many of the posts you write, but there is always that hilarious, brutally honest quip in there!!! This is one of my favorite “kid” conversations in the history of “kid” conversations :)

    • Thank you so much! I don’t want to be that “braggy mom” but he is very verbal for his age. It’s always entertaining…and funny!

  4. I actually laughed out loud at, “We can get one at the store for you,” and your response. That was just pure awesomeness.

    As a fellow mom with a 2-year-old who is articulate beyond her years, all I can say is I’m right there with ya. (Although we’ve never had a conversation about penises. Boobies, yes. But not penises.)

    • Haha, thank you. He has such an interesting mind and constantly makes me laugh. :)

      Yes, you have described it perfectly; “articulate beyond her years.” I never want to be the “braggy mom” but I am so proud of his advanced verbal skills. Always entertaining. We’ve skipped the booby thing, but are pretty obsessed with penises over here. Maybe it’s a guy thing. A weird, weird guy thing. 😉

  5. Michelle Longo says:

    So cute and funny! I love when they ponder things like this! My son does the same thing where he says my name and tells me he is going to tell me something every time he speaks. Love it!

    • Thank you! It is so funny to hear them try to figure all this out. How sweet! I love the start of sentences with “Mommy, I am going to tell you som-ing.” Adorable.

  6. triciaraisinghumans says:

    Adorable!!! Moments like these – just simple conversation (bizzare as it is sometimes) with my toddler – I love it :)

  7. Hee! Love this!

    And ohmygoodness *so* been there with the convos just loud enough for EVERYONE to hear! :)

Trackbacks

  1. […] chatter. Take, for instance, the hilarious conversation that occurred between Julia and her son in Life Lessons from the Toddler, which had me nodding along in familiar kinship – until said toddler began talking about […]

  2. […] Post navigation ← Life Lessons From The Toddler […]

  3. […] the time he very loudly discussed the fact that girls do not have penises at a local […]