My Elated Exhaustion

13 Mar By

I am tired now, and sleepy and feeling like all I want to do is crawl under the covers and lose myself in a dream.

But I am awake, and happy, and alert to the best of my ability, and I am here.

Here in this place where laundry and dishes threaten to take over and life’s administration edges its way into my serenity. Here where children’s TV shows permeate my thoughts and a little voice of “Mommy I need….” invades my introspection. Here where sun shines in my face and spring quivers on the verge of emerging.

Here where toddler hugs warm my soul and husband smiles are reassuring. Here where cats snuggle at my feet and laughter fills my hallways. Here where love is shown in everyday actions even if I sometimes forget to notice them.

I take a deep breath and inhale my life. I cherish it. I dismiss it. I dread its monotony. I cherish its predictability. I live it.

I bask in this collage of people and animals and objects that form into the puzzle that is my life.

Here in this chaotic quiet I reside and thrive and fail and dream and experience.

My life, my here, my elated exhaustion.

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I Made All the Right Parenting Choices. So Did You.

12 Mar By

It is easy to judge other people’s parenting. Before you become a parent, you probably have pre-conceived notions of the type of parent you will be. So when you see moms dealing with a full-out temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store, it’s easy to think, “My child will never do that, or “I would handle that better.”

After you become a parent, it’s easy to see other parents making different choices than you are and think, “Why are they parenting that way?” or “I would never do that.”

It’s easy to feel judged as a parent. Even though you are often wrapped up in your child, you are also always aware of disapproving looks that might be thrown your way in public or even from among your own family members.

It’s easy not to feel confident in your parenting skills because you will hear different advice from different people and sometimes it’s hard to remember that ultimately your opinion about your baby is the only one that matters.

There are so many issues in parenting to get heated about. There are so many different beliefs about the “right” way to raise a baby. And it’s ok to believe in the way that you are parenting. I believe very strongly in the parenting choices I have made. I know I have made the right choices. I am passionate about my decisions, but I will try not to judge you for feeling passionate about yours.

What’s hard in parenting is to realize that just because someone isn’t doing it your way, doesn’t mean they are doing it in a bad way. We want to believe that we are doing the best for our child. So we will defend and argue and judge others if it doesn’t fit in with our ways, because no one wants to believe that they are intentionally making bad choices for their children. The debates about staying-at-home vs working and breastfeeding vs bottle-feeding are so heated because every parent feels that they have made the right decision. It’s wonderful to know that you made the right choice for your child.

But it’s not ok to judge others for making the right choices for theirs. Every parent wants the best for their child. If we could all begin to understand that behind every parenting decision is a good intention, maybe we could stop judging that mom in the grocery store with the tantrum throwing two-year old. Or stop gawking at that mom breastfeeding her baby in the restaurant. Or stop telling the woman who chose to formula feed that she’s depriving her child.

Hopefully, by the time these children grow up, they will all be smart, successful, sweet, contributing members of society. But there are a lot factors that will pave the road for that child to grow up. Fighting or judging about the baby stuff doesn’t help get them to the grown up stuff.

Make your parenting choices responsibly. BELIEVE in your parenting choices. Defend them if you have to. But then remember not to judge someone else for making different choices. Because if you have researched, thought about, and really made an honest effort to do the very best parenting you can, then you have made the right choice; whatever choice that may be.

 

*This post is a summation of my thoughts after reading these thought-provoking articles about parenting last week: Snap Judgments, Mom Judgments, and Take a Bottle. I’ll admit, I haven’t always followed my own advice, but after reading these articles and doing a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusions I wrote in this post. I hope you will, too. I would love to hear your thoughts. 

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One Day

10 Mar By

I know it’s a taboo topic, but my husband and I are currently having financial woes. It is nothing that we can not handle and nothing that we can not sort through, but it will take some time and effort to deal with these expenses. Last night, while I was feeling particularly frustrated with everything and yet another bill came in to add to our pile, my husband tried to be comforting by saying, “One day, we’ll have enough money that this won’t be a problem and we’ll have all of these bills paid off. I’ll just keep pulling over time shifts until we can build back up.”

I sighed, and rather than find solace in his words I was frustrated. “But I don’t like you doing so much overtime. We never see you. And if we are just living for the ‘one days’ we are forgetting the right nows. This is our life right now.”

And then he said the most wonderful thing, “This is my one day. I knew that one day, I would be in residency doing a job I loved. I knew I would have a nice house and a beautiful wife and a crazy son,” he said as we both glanced at the toddler who was unloading the groceries I just brought in by trying to open and eat them.

And we stopped and smiled and laughed a bit and then I told him how sweet that was and kissed him in the middle of the kitchen. We embraced like this and shared this moment until little hands grabbed our legs and demanded our attention.

We have one days to live for and goals to meet. But the right now is pretty good too, if we just remember that once upon a time, our ‘right now’ was still just a dream for our ‘one day’.

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My Favorite Part of The Day

9 Mar By

It is time for you to wake up. I sleepily turn to you and see you slumber. You have snuggled up next to me in my bed, and I enjoy your company here.

The sun light streams in from the window and highlights the red in your hair. My sleepy eyes glimpse your innocent beauty and I smile at you as I sing your name to remind you that it’s time to begin the day.

Your eyelids flutter and see me adoring you. You smile and wrap your arms around my neck, pulling me down to hug you. We are happy here.

As we begin to leave our sleep for our awake you tell me, “This my fav-rite part of da day, Mommy cuddles.” And I smile and hug you tighter because it’s a saying I have taught you. Every morning I tell you, “This is my favorite part of the day, Noah cuddles.” And every morning, I mean it. I think you do, too.

And then the clock ticks and reminds us that we need to get dressed because the day is ready for us to explore it. And we reluctantly will get out of bed and start the morning which will always involve some sort of struggle because you are two and not yet restricted by the numbers on a clock.

But before the struggles start and the activities begin and the house needs cleaning and you need engagement I cherish those morning moments. My most favorite part of the day, my morning Noah cuddles.

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Filed Under: True Love, Two Year Olds Tagged With: , , , , ,

Don’t Eat the Ice Cream

7 Mar By

It was late at night (read: 7:30 pm) and everyone was exhausted from the day’s events. The husband had chosen to unwind by watching some show on TV that the toddler that I would never watch, so he sat alone in the living room. I decided that I would catch up on a little blogging and twitter before our impending 8:00 pm bedtime deadline. The toddler was content beside me in the computer room, playing with his train table. Thomas was just descending down the bridge section of the track for the 897,039th time when the toddler decided that he needed ice cream.

“I can have ice cream Mommy?” he asked earnestly on his way to the kitchen. Unfortunately, I had told him he could have ice cream earlier in the day, but the day became busy and the ice cream was never eaten. While I was debating on whether to agree to the ice cream because I want to keep my promises to him, or to say no to the ice cream because it was right before bed time, my son took matters into his own hands. Before I realized the events that were unfolding, my son showed right back up in the computer room with the entire container of ice cream straight from the freezer and two spoons. “Here’s ice cream Mommy!” he exclaimed as he opened the lid, and then stood up. As I was getting out of my chair and trying to compose a thought similar to “thank you”, HE PEED IN THE ICE CREAM.

We consider him fully potty trained, he has free access to the potty, and usually doesn’t need prompting to go. He had not mentioned anything to the effect of “I need to go to the bathroom,” so who knew that a freshly opened ice cream container would make a toddler’s mind think, “I need to pee in that.”

My reaction must have been memorable, because I have never seen my husband jump off the couch faster, coming to save me from the pee-soaked ice cream.

“What happened?” he asked.

“He peed in the ice cream!!!” I exclaimed, still in a bit of shock from what I just witnessed.

“Why did I pee in the ice cream, Daddy?’ asked our son, watching as I gathered the pee filled ice cream container, the two spoons, and used a towel to wipe the excess that got on the floor.

Leaving the husband to deal with the age-old question “Why did I pee in the ice cream,” I went to the kitchen to wash the spoons and the towels and dispose of the ice-cream-container-turned-toilet.

Which led to a melt down. “Why did Mommy throw away my ice cream???? I want eat ice cream!!!”

Doing our best to calm our child and explain the values of eating food not covered in pee, the hubs and I finally managed to get him upstairs, just in time for that 8:00 bedtime. After brushed teeth, pajamas and stories our little guy finally drifted off to sleep and all was well in our world.

The first thing my toddler said to me when he woke up this morning? “Mommy, ‘member when I peed in the ice cream? That’s funny.”

Yes, dear. It’s pretty funny.

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Filed Under: Mommyhood is Messy, Two Year Olds Tagged With: , , , ,

Sunday Silliness: 11 Things

4 Mar By

Just a disclaimer that this post is not spam, or intended to make you run away, or make you think I’m one of “those” people who enjoys forwards and subscribes to them lest I have bad luck for the next few years or something. But this is a forwarded type of blog post. If you want to stop reading now, that’s ok. But it’s really just a collection of things that will let you know a little more about me. For example, I love making lists. So a list of 11 things to get to know each other better? I can get on board with that.

My friend April from Red Dirt Mama sent this to me and to be honest, I was over the moon excited to be tagged. I thought, “Oh my goodness, someone likes me and my blog enough to include me!! Of course I’ll play!” I think April and I are both fairly new to the blogging world, so this is a neat idea that allows you to learn more about the people behind the blogs that fill your inbox, share yourself in more concise terms than blog posts, and get that super excited feeling when tagged because, “Oh my goodness someone likes me!” Wait, that last part is just me? Let’s move on.

So, if you would like to play, go for it! I can not wait to learn more about you! If you don’t want to no problem. Nothing bad will happen. Probably.

So here’s the game:

RULES

1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Tag 11 people and tell them you’ve tagged them.

11 Random Things About Me:

1. I apparently have a thing for guys with red hair. I love, LOVE Conan O’Brien. I also wound up marrying a guy with red hair, and our little boy has red hair too. Who knew?

2. Before I started the stay-at-home-mom gig I’ve got going on now, I worked as a kindergarten teacher for two years and as a nanny for one. I also began babysitting when I was 12 and never stopped. Kids are kind of my thing.

3. I used to be a really talented performer. Singing, dancing, acting, the whole bit. I received full voice scholarships to college, danced in a Super Bowl Pre-Game Show and sang The National Anthem at an Atlanta Braves game. I used to have dreams of going to Broadway, but it turns out, life often has other plans.

4. Everybody has events in life that shape them. For me, it was the death of my father when I was 18 and the very awful birth experience I had when my son was born.

5.I really, really love alliteration. That’s why my blog is called Elated Exhaustion, and probably why this post is called Sunday Silliness. It’s just fun.

6. I also have a thing for repeat numbers. That’s why I got married on 07-07-07 and was thrilled when my son was born on 09-01-09. How cool are those dates??

7. I am kind of a neat freak. You know all the quotes about not being a good mom unless you have a dirty house or a good mom doesn’t have time for a clean house, or something to that effect? I disagree. I think I’m a pretty good mom. I also have a pretty clean house.

8. I am a night owl. According to my mom, I always have been. While that aspect of my personality has been great for summer time or my teenage/college years, it sure made growing up and getting to school on time hard. Also? My son is a night owl too. Which is pretty great now that he’s little and I’m home with him. It’s going to be pretty not great when he starts kindergarten.

9. I have never broken a bone. Thankfully. I have, however, endured multiple hospital stays due to severe asthma.

10. I do not know how to ride a bike, and neither do my sister or brother. My parents just never taught us. My brother created a Facebook group for People Who Never Learned to Ride A Bike. I’m pretty sure we are the only 3 kids in it.

11. I did my student teaching abroad and lived in England for 3 months. It was the longest I had ever gone without seeing my family or boyfriend, who would later turn into my husband. It was the most wonderful three months of adventure and personal growth I have ever experienced. I also made some life long friends from that trip. It is one of the best life experiences I have ever had.

My Questions:

1. What are you most passionate about? 
My little boy. I am so glad I get to be his Mommy each and every day, even on the days he drives me crazy.
2. What was your first concert?
I think it was a Beach Boys concert with my best friend and her mom when I was in 4th grade, put on by an “oldies” radio station. Somehow, they won tickets, and I got to go. All I really remember was that my best friend and I got matching t-shirts and we wore them around forever afterwards, to prove how cool we were for going to a concert.
3. What is your biggest fear?
Losing my son.
4. Paper or Plastic?
Either one! I put all of our paper bags directly into recycling, and use the plastic bags to scoop the cat litter. When asked at the grocery store, I reply, “It doesn’t matter, whatever is easier for you.” Apparently, paper is easier, because that’s usually what I come home with.
5. If you could be any one character from a movie or TV, who would you be?
Charlotte from Sex And The City. She’s pretty fabulous.
6. Which reality show best describes you? 
Uncoolness alert: I don’t really watch reality TV. I’m actually pretty appalled by a lot of it. (Did I just lose you?) I have watched American Idol, The Voice and The Bachelor. And by “have watched” I mean I have seen maybe an episode of each. So sorry to disappoint!!
7. Why did you start blogging?
I have been immersed in babyland for two and half years. My baby has turned into a toddler, and now that he is seeking independence and is ready for a little separation from Mommy, I am ready to seek out something for myself too. I decided on blogging because I have always enjoyed writing and it brings me peace. I also am still dealing with a lot of emotional pain from my birth experience, and have not gotten a lot of support from my family. My mom once said, “You need to get over it.” But of course, that’s a whole different story.
So, I started blogging to use my words to sort through my feelings. I want to find a community of women who might understand what I went through, and might offer encouragement and support. I want to find friends through blogging that won’t think I’m crazy for my emotional distress from my birth experience. I want to stop being afraid to tell the truth about my post postpartum depression. I wanted to meet you.
8. If you could do whatever you wanted for a whole 24 hours, what would you do?
I want to answer, sleep, watch anything other than PBS on TV, stay in PJs all day, and basically do whatever I want during a lazy day at home with no interruptions from the toddler or the husband. But that answer seems a bit lame. So ANYTHING? I guess I would love to go to New York and see some Broadway shows. Actually, the first option is such a novelty, I’d probably just go with that.
9. Where did you take your best or worst vacation?
When I was a junior in high school, my family took a two-week trip to Italy and Greece. It was an educational tour with my school, but it was still me, my mom and dad, and my sister and brother. Italy and Greece were amazing, and it was also the last family vacation we ever got to take, so it was a very special trip.
10. What is your favorite piece of technology?
My car. I’m pretty in love with it. Which is good, because my job as a stay-at-home-mom actually means I spend a lot of time in my Honda CRV.
11. What is one thing on your bucket list?
I want to see Conan O’Brien’s show and I want a picture with him. That would make me immensely happy.

Now it’s your turn! 

Devon at http://www.thejackchronicles.com/, Kimberly at http://www.makemommygosomethingsomething.com/, Jordan at http://www.employablemom.com/, Jill at http://mommyinconsistent.blogspot.com/, Alison at http://www.mamawantsthis.com/, Emily at http://www.my2littlebirds.blogspot.com/, Cassie athttp://www.chasingthewolfpack.com/,  Galit at http://theselittlewaves.com/, Alex at http://www.lateenough.com/, Miranda at http://notsuperjustmom.com/, Julie at http://www.juliecgardner.com/

 Your Questions: 
1. What has blogging brought to your life?
2. What is your favorite part of the day?
3. Coffee or Tea?
4. Who or what inspires you?
5. When you were little, did you ever imagine you would be where you are now?
6. What is your favorite book and why?
7. If money was no object, what luxury would you give yourself?
8. What parenting milestone has been the hardest for you? (birthdays, first haircut, first words, steps, etc)
9. Junk Food Confession: What food treat do you crave?
10. Do you have a favorite season?
11.What do you like the most about yourself?

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Here

2 Mar By

My “what-ifs” are plenty, if I let them seep through

to my current memory and what I’ve been through.

My days are long and trying if I analyze

all the choices I made that brought me this life.

My heart can feel heavy and sad and full

if I try to remember that life is not easy

and that times have been hard and that times have been grand

and that all along I haven’t really followed a plan.

Or maybe I have, but the plan wasn’t mine, and so I’m on an adventure not knowing what else I will find.

And the hours are fast and the minutes are slow

if I question the choices I made long ago.

But if I stay here

here in THIS moment

Then I must trust that this is ok.

It’s ok to be here and to feel this way.

Whatever way I’m feeling, whatever my life looks like

that ok. It’s OK to be who I am today.

Just because I didn’t know

the woman that I would become

or the twists and the turns I would find

doesn’t mean this isn’t a good place to reside.

The days are joyous and exciting and lovely

if I can stay here in the present and bubbly

with fulfillment that comes from knowing, that I,

here in this place,

am right where I should be.

I’m right where I am because of choices, that’s true, but regret is no fun and often no use

And today my choice is to be happy

HERE.

Wherever that here is

it’s good to be there.

Wherever your “here” is,

I hope you are aware

that beauty surrounds you

even in your darkest place. Beauty surrounds YOU

if you just embrace

that choices have past and time has flown

and you have lived and you have grown

all to bring you here to this moment.

I hope that you treasure it, I hope that you own it

as yours, yours alone, your very own story.

Your very own beautifully voyaged place of glory.

*This poem was written in honor of Dr. Seuss’ birthday, and inspired by a prompt from Blogher about making decisions and having regrets. 

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A Small Milestone

1 Mar By

My two-and-a-half year old this morning before school. Happy half birthday sweet boy.

My little boy is 30 months old today. Officially two-and-a-half. I do not know why, but this feels like a milestone. Just another solid step towards him growing up. Just another reminder of how he’s leaving the baby world and entering the child world.

Maybe it’s a milestone because it’s the first “half birthday.” Whenever I was asked his age, for the longest time, I would respond in terms of months. I never referred to him as “one and a half,” I always said 18 months. I used months right up until that 24th one, when I reluctantly switched my answer to “He’s two.”

And for the past six months he has been two. And he’s been throwing tantrums and potty training and learning and growing and he’s been two. But now he is two-and-a-half. And he’s doing better about the tantrums (most days) and he is already done potty training. And he’s still learning and growing but he’s so SMART and observant now. And he’s only two-and-a-half.

Maybe it’s a milestone because I still remember the words of advice from a mom on a playdate we had when he was just a baby; “Make sure to get pictures when he’s two-and-a-half. It will be the last time you will get a baby picture. By the time they are three, they have already turned into little boys.” We have a photography session scheduled for April.

Maybe it’s a milestone because every step in his life is also a step in mine. Now, not only is he two-and-a-half, but I am the mother of a two-and-half year old. I can see this doesn’t bode well for my emotional sanity as he continues to grow up.

Maybe it’s a milestone simply because it is a milestone. Not the most significant one, but one all the same. And milestones are important to notice. Even the small ones.

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Filed Under: Pondering Parenting, Two Year Olds Tagged With: , , , ,

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